Regular Magwatch readers will know there are generally only four stories that can possibly be reported – who’s bust up; who’s hooked up; who’s porked up; and who’s lightened up. However, both New Idea and Famous break new ground this week with a thoughtful treatise on US politics.
Leaving aside trivia such as healthcare reform and the US Fed’s quantitative easing policy, they go straight for the big one: Is Barack bonking Beyonce?
New Idea speculates furiously about furious speculation in some French newspapers that Obama is, as it is known in the business, “doing a Monica”.
Of course everyone involved has denied the rumours – presumably because they are, as it is also known in the business, “untrue”. Regardless, New Idea insists “the damage has been done” – while failing to add that it’s been done, at least in part, by New Idea and Famous.
On more familiar ground, Famous and New Weekly feature breathless reports on one Vito Schnabel, 27, an admirable young bloke who goes out of his way to help the elderly. So dedicated is he to his worthy project that he has recently been spotted squiring Heidi Klum, 40. Before that he was doing his bit with 51-year-old Demi Moore and has also been “linked” with Elle Macpherson and Liv Tyler.
Meanwhile, New Idea also looks at some of the issues facing mature women with its spread on the World’s Most Wanted Grannies.
This line-up includes Brazilian Heloisa Goncalves Duque Ribeiro, 63, who has so far knocked off four ex-partners, and Elizabeth Duke, 73, wanted for a robbery that killed a security guard and two police.
Perhaps big-hearted, cougar-chasing Vito could offer his services to detectives to tempt these wrinkly reprobates out into the open?
Finally, in yet more news relating to older women, Famous has a shot of actress Tara Reid leaving a Los Angeles breast screening clinic. But the mag must have missed the campaigns encouraging women over 40 to get regular mammograms, because rather than a measured heading saying “Sensible Tara gets health check” it somehow ended up with “Terrified Tara’s Health Scare”.